I have always been confused as to where I belong, and to this day I still haven't really found and answer. To make a long story short, I was born in Iraq 1990, right before the first gulf war. The war hit and my father was in the army and he did not want to fight that war, so like many others in the country, we fled to bordering nations. We left to Saudi Arabia and after years in a refugee camp we finally got granted an opportunity to move to America. So in 1996 we moved to America and have been living here since. So the beginning of my life I was raised in an arab culture and for early teens and young adulthood I grew up in american culture.
This is where most of the confusion started, In our house we still followed arab culture, and once I stepped outside it was american culture. And this created a conflict for me, trying to balance both things and figuring out what I should follow.
After years of thinking about it, I started to see faults, in both cultures, which made it more difficult. To be blunt, I hate what american society idolizes; money, alcohol, sex, drugs and extreme anti social. Yet I loved their belief in the individual, the right to freedom and so on. While on the other hand I loved arab cultures respect for one another, valuing family and religion more than money yet hated the mistreatment and inequality for women (i am a male) as well still existent racism and feeling of superiority.
After living here for years, I finally had an opportunity to visit back home, and to my surprise I was an outsider. I didn't "look" like them, or "acted" like them. But hanging out with my relatives, they influenced me and I influenced them. And when I got back I was more confused. While in america i am "too arab" and while in iraq i am "too american".
So where does someone like me fit? where to do I belong and what do I truly believe? Im still trying to answer these questions and I dont think I will be finding an answer soon. But for the time being, im still following "arab culture at home, american culture outside"
I can not say that I know what you feel like, relating two separate ethnicity's, but from a cultural standing I can. I am from a little town in South Dakota, where the head of cattle outnumber people 100 to 1. Moving into the cities a couple of years ago for a better education put me into a place that is like the one you are describing. Do I stick with my old ways of life, or do I switch into the new ones? All I can say is that you have to find your own rut, and follow where it leads.
ReplyDeleteI can really relate to this. Being from another culture myself, sometimes it is hard trying to find out where exactly i belong in the different society's.
ReplyDelete