As a college student, marriage is in the not so distant future. American marriages are very different from those in South Asia, the Middle East, and some African countries. In South Asian, Middle Eastern, and African cultures, it is normal for marriages to be arranged. Arranged marriage is not forced marriage, where one person actually is forced to marry another, but instead the parents or older family members match young people together and they are expected to marry. While the two are anticipated to marry, the young people still reserve the right to make the choice. Another variation of “arranged marriage” is when the young people go through a normal courtship process, but the parents reserve the right to approve or disapprove the relationship. If the parents disapprove, the marriage is forbidden.
Living in the country where “land of the free” is in the national anthem, having the right to marry who you like is expected. The thought of arranged marriage doesn’t even cross the mind of the most young adults in America unless they practice the same religions as in South Asia, Middle East, and Africa. The most important thing to the American young adult is that they are happy, not necessarily the wishes of their parents. In fact, it is no longer very uncommon for parents and their children to have a falling out due to significant other of the child. While arranged marriages can be successful and lead to love, falling in love is expected to come first in America.
However, when one looks closer at the American culture, the concept of arranged marriage is not so foreign. When a man wants to marry a young woman, it is traditional for them to ask the father of the bride-to-be for his permission. This is very similar to the second variation of arranged marriage mentioned above. This does not happen in every marriage though, and even in some where the father does not approve, the couple chooses to marry anyway. Also, E-harmony, Match.com, and other online dating services could technically be considered the first variation of arranged marriage. Sometimes in areas where arranged marriages are normal, the parents do not choose the spouse, but instead the village elders/council or an unbiased third party. They take economic status, religion, culture, physical fitness, and other attributes into consideration when matching two people. Then the two people are allowed to date and go through the courtship process prior to getting married. This is the same process that online dating services use to match people together. Arranged marriage in some places is simply used as a way to introduce people who may not have met otherwise, just like the online dating sites. While arranged marriage has a negative connotation, especially in America where freedom is so important, the concept is not as crazy as one thinks initially.
The thought of America and arranged marriages is interesting. I never thought of those online dating services as "arranged" marriages, but to a certain extent, it is.The rhetoric here does argue against arranged marriages, just like you stated with America's value of freedom and freedom of choice. But most arranged marriages are for power and money. I am the oldest and first born son of my family and my folks arranged a marriage for me. I was against it because I did not want to marry some stranger. I guess growing up in the United States, I gained that value of freedom and I also used that as my argument in opposing my parents wishes. But later we found out that the girl that was arranged with me ran away with a different guy in Cambodia. I'm so glad, I dodged a bullet there. XD
ReplyDeleteAs mentioned in the comment above, I too hadn't considered internet sites, such as match.com, a source of arranged marriages. But I can see how that could be very similar to an actual traditional arranged marriage.
ReplyDeleteWhen you look at the hard evidence the numbers show a very interesting trend when you compare arranged marriages and "love matches". In the United States, the divorce rate between couples who chose their own spouse varies from between 16.4%-36.6% (Census Factfinder Website). However the divorce rate in the United States for arranged marriages is much, much lower.
I was raised, like most American girls, with the idea that one day I would find my true love, get married, and live happily ever after. However, that isn't necessarily the case in today's society. Maybe us college students really should follow or parents advise, not just in financial or school matters, but in arranged marriages as well.
I have always thought of arranged marriages as quite interesting. I cannot imagine having your parents think they can pick someone out for you. I mean I'm sure they could, and do a nice job, but I can hardly imagine the thought of it. Online dating sites are really interesting to me also. They allow you to expose what you want people to know in order to date them. It all is such an interesting concept to me. How can you find people on the internet or as an arranged marriage, it just boggles my mind.
ReplyDeleteI think your argument is missing a key element. When a young man asks a woman's father for permission to marry his daughter, it is generally thought of as a formality, and as a chance for the father to give the whole "don't make me regret this" speech. Eloping is significantly more common in American culture, whereas in many other cultures this practice is not a formality.
ReplyDeleteAlso, in most other cultures the family provides EVERYTHING for the daughter until she is married, so they believe that they should have a say in the future they helped create. In America children are raised differently and generally more independently, resulting in a desire for more independence when it comes to getting married.
I respect all peoples beliefs, but believe that people have to right to decide what they believe. In other words, beliefs should not be forced upon someone. I actually never new that arranged marriages could be broken off; I am happy I now know this. I believe that the main indgredient in marriage is Love, and without that then no marriage actaully exists. So I guess what I am trying to say is that people should have the right to do what they please.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mr. Flynn up there. Marriages occur in all types of forms, whether arranged or accidental, it all comes down to what you believe and support, and what/who you love. Do you love yourself more or your parents' needs/wants? Do you believe in your parents' judgements over your own, to the extent of arranging your marriage? Is it ok with you, to fall in love after marriage? Or would you rather fall in love before marriage? It all comes down to however one perceives how a "marriage" and "love" should exist/occur and as its always been said, "love is indefinite, it is undefined and cannot be defined with merely words." In other words, it depends on how strong of a bond of "love" you have with your significant other, whether you chose or was approached with an arranged marriage, love at first sight or loving another spouse of the same sex- marriage doesn't and shouldn't have a definition or specific process of how it should happen and no reason to judge it.
ReplyDeleteI agree as well. Marriage is seen as a vow of love shared between two people, but in this case is rather a vow of belief in one's religion over that of love. I have also heard that love is not finding the "right" person, but rather finding the wonderful things about a person, and seeing their flaws as part of their character. I do not know how much I believe in this sentiment, as there must be personalities out there which are NOT compatible, but I would be interested in discovering how many couples whose marriages were arranged ended up falling in love.
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